Negotiation in Dating!
It is fall of 1976 (hey! I am old as dirt.). Driving on Route 46, Fairfield, NJ, I was fiddling with the latest technology in auto sound systems – “the cassette player!” The brand new Chevy Concours came with the built-in technology. Just like today’s “texting while driving,” I did not see a car waiting at the “red” light ahead. I pressed the brakes hard. The car screeched to a halt, but not without bumping the waiting vehicle.
Out came a young woman with a stare that would burn wet wood. Without looking at the damage, she yelled,” You rear-ended me! Can’t you see the red light?”
“I didn’t rear-end you!”
“What’s that?” she pointed at the dent on her car’s rear bumper.
“Oh, yes. I did rear-end your car, but not you!”
“You smartass creep! What are you going to do about it?”
“Calm down. My insurance company will take care of the damage. Not a problem.”
“Yeah! But what about the hassle? I will need to leave it at the body shop. How am I going to go back and forth to my work?”
“I tell you what. If you agree to join me for dinner, I will take care of the hassle. I will drop and pick up the car at the body shop, and give you a ride back and forth to your work. How does that sound?”
“Are you kidding me? First, you damage my car, and now you suggest a date?” She paused for a moment, “Where for dinner?”
“How about Great Gorge Playboy club and resort? They have very nice restaurants.”
“It’s a deal. You are a creep, but not a cheap creep.”
Well, I avoided squabble and just went ahead and made a proposal, and guess what? How valuable is a date to a man in early twenties? You got it!
Caution: This is just an anecdote in my life. DO NOT TRY THIS. It could be hazardous to your life and health.
Avoid Squabble. Make a Proposal.
Frequently, I have seen negotiators getting involved in a spat, also known as the circular argument. The attack-defend spiral, interrupting and not listening, scoring cheap points, being sarcastic – – arguing and persuading – is typical of a squabble.
How would you know that you are in a squabble? When you hear yourself repeating – – – “as I said earlier;” “allow me to repeat;” more than once, you are in a squabble. You hope that maybe the second time around they will say,” Yeah, you are right, and we are wrong!” But, if not, recognize that the discussion is just moving in a circle.
The best way to break out of a “circular argument” is to make a well thought out proposal. Try it. Let me know how it worked out for you.