Negotiating with difficult people – Part II

It is late afternoon on Friday before the Labor Day weekend. Stacy is wrapping up at work, getting ready to drive to Hershey, PA, for some family fun. Just as she is about to leave, her supervisor hands her an RFP (request for proposal).

“Hey, Stacy, please complete this so that customer can review first thing after the weekend. I need to catch a flight to Boston. No problem, right?”

Stacy had offered her help on this proposal several times earlier in the month. Her boss assured her that he could manage it. Now he is dumping the project in her lap. The project could consume her long weekend.

We all have to negotiate at times to resolve conflicts with difficult people and unreasonable demands. Stacy’s boss may be cooperative and thoughtful most of the time, but he is making an unreasonable demand on Friday afternoon before the Labor Day. She could give in. That would disappoint not only her family a great deal but also set an unfavorable precedent.

Stacy’s impulsive response could be to remind her boss that he had over a month to accept her offer to help. Now, she cannot change her weekend plans with her family. This way, she would not be “Giving In,” but possibly jeopardize her relationship with her boss.

Another option is to resolve the conflict with a joint problem-solving.

“You’ve got a plane to catch, and I’m headed out to Hershey with my family. I need to be there on time. I’d like to help you. I wish I had known about this earlier. Let’s see what ideas we can jointly come up with.”

This response acknowledges the boss’s dilemma —he has a plane to catch—while establishing that Stacy has her own commitment. It suggests that together they may be able to come up with a solution (e.g., bring in someone else to help, each cut their weekend short by a half day, submit an incomplete report, or tell the client the report will be delivered at the end of the day on Tuesday).

Sometimes, even with joint problem solving, you need to clearly state “no.” No, you won’t work all weekend. No, it’s not acceptable that your client demand delivery a month earlier without fair compensation. So, how do you say no while still preserving the relationship? Make a proposal. Structure your proposal with conditions first, clearly stating your own interests and needs. Then explain the “why” of your “no” to the particular demand or behavior. Finally, say yes as you make a proposal.

It’s unlikely that a problematic person is going to accept your proposal fully, no matter how reasonable it is. I will address that item in Negotiating with difficult people – Part III.

For developing an ability to negotiate skillfully, check out “The World Is A Bazaar – Life Is A Negotiation.”