Negotiating with difficult people – Part III

Challenging people may drag you into a circular argument where they are attacking and defending, arguing and persuading, not listening and interrupting, and scoring points with sarcasm. They can also be unpredictable. Sometimes they may give you a silent treatment. Do not get dragged into trading insults. You can win an argument, but you cannot negotiate an argument.

For example, a procurement department head was regularly demeaning a salesperson in front of the procurement staff. He was trying to prove to his people how tough he is on suppliers.

Recognize the factors that may influence behavior — setting matters. People tend to be more tolerant of others in private and informal setting. In a public and formal context, some people may be intolerant of others trying to prove something. Long term and voluntary relationships built on trust reduce tension and encourage collaborative behavior. One-off and obligatory relationships, on the other hand, could infuse suspicion. Skilled negotiators recognize the influence of such factors.

The salesperson in the above example invited the procurement manager to the racetrack in Meadowlands, New Jersey. An informal setting allowed her to have off the script conversation. She let him know how his remarks make her feel and encouraged him to talk about why he says these things. She asked the right questions checking out his priorities, constraints, motives, needs, and interests. She made him feel heard. Did this strengthen their business relationship? You bet it did.

Always prepare in advance. Know your issues, objectives, must-haves, and must-avoids. Prepare for unwanted questions and predictable response of the other side. Check out a sample preparation sheet here. Skilled preparation will improve your chances of ending up with a good outcome.

Once you have brought your difficult opponent to the more conducive, informal setting, you have reduced tension. Now you are encouraging a more cooperative behavior.

Next, let your opponent save face and view the outcome as at least a partial victory. I will address that in “Negotiating with difficult people, Part IV.”

For developing an ability to negotiate skillfully, check out “The World Is A Bazaar – Life Is A Negotiation.”