Negotiating with difficult people, Part VI

Pay careful attention to your opponent and look for signals. Recognize that not all of her needs may be readily evident.  These are usually unstated needs.

A homeowner who will not cooperate with a real estate agent to help sell her house may turn out to have deep-seated uncertainty about selling. Realizing that, you might structure the agreement to include a first right of refusal to buy whenever she is ready to sell.

A customer who is hesitating to pay an invoice for urgent delivery of the product may turn out to have some internal problem related to budgeting. To enable a positive outcome, you might revise the payment terms.

Ask the right questions to uncover the hidden issues. Active listening is not only to hear what the other person is saying but also to listen to what is behind the words. Confirm it by asking the right questions. These are the Iceberg questions.

What sank the Titanic? An Iceberg. Why? The crew saw only the tip of the iceberg visible above the ocean surface. The more significant part of the ice was underneath the water, hidden.

A similar phenomenon happens in negotiations. It is what you do not know that often sinks a negotiation. Iceberg questions help uncover hidden, “real” issues. When the other party presents a list of its demands, you test it by asking a question that says, in effect, “Is this the complete list of your claims?”

“Are you saying that if we could meet these, you would be satisfied?” Or,

“If we give you the requested items, will you then sign the deal?”

Recognize that you are not committing yourself to agree, but it flushes out any hidden agenda items.

Active listening is something people frequently promote. However, most people rarely do it well. Attentive listening requires constant, intentional effort. A good listener will put himself in the other party’s shoes, ask open-ended questions, and unearth the real issues troubling the other side. Beyond that, you must assure the opponent that you have heard and understood him.  Summarize your understanding of what he has said and repeat it in his own words.

There is a big reward for you. If you want the other party to acknowledge and understand your perspective, recognize theirs first. This is the only way to prevent a deadlock.

Negotiating with problematic people does not mean liking them or even agreeing with them, but it does mean understanding their viewpoint.

Whether you are negotiating with someone unfriendly or mildly annoying, the skills required to achieve a positive outcome are the same. Find out the needs, motives, priorities, fears, etc. of the other party and construct a proposal that that meets their needs. If you are successful, you can turn your adversaries into your allies.

In “Negotiating with difficult people, Part VII,” I will summarize steps discussed so far and list additional tactics for negotiating successfully with difficult people.

For developing an ability to negotiate skillfully, check out “The World Is a Bazaar – Life Is a Negotiation.”