I intended to write the next issue of “Negotiating with difficult people.” However, I am compelled to respond to a question raised by several readers of my newsletter.

Question: How do I deal with a person who is known for being a stubborn haggler? If I adopt a collaborative approach and be cordial, my opponent will take advantage of me and most likely take me to the cleaners.

Before I address the above question, let’s be clear—most skilled negotiators embrace a collaborative style. However, that does not mean that all competitive people are bad negotiators. I am not advocating the un-conditional cooperative approach to negotiation. All I am saying is that there are skills that will help you transform a deadlock into a constructive engagement. For example, try focusing on joint problem-solving, even with the most stubborn haggler.

Frequently, there is a propensity to confuse being collaborative or cooperative with being cordial. There is nothing wrong with being friendly, but cordiality is not the objective of the proverbial win-win negotiation. Being collaborative here is more of a trading posture rather than a personality trait. Some negotiators view their counterparts as competitors. They are ready to argue with them. Most skilled negotiators share information quickly and are specific in expressing their intents, motives, and priorities. They work together to address the issues.

Ask the right questions and test your assumptions about the expected behavior of your opponent. The other party may have a particular corporate policy or culture governing his conduct. You may feel that you are stuck between either giving in or engaging in protracted haggling. This perceived either-or predicament is mostly false.

The most effective remedy to problematic behavior is active listening. I have addressed active listening in details in “Negotiating with difficult people, Part VI.” Active listening does not mean taking a verbal beating or involuntarily agreeing to everything being blurted out. It involves frequently summarizing the positions of the opposing sides. Asking the right questions to uncover the hidden issues—the iceberg questions. When done skillfully, active listening will soften the most competitive negotiator.

When negotiators claim they’ve “tried everything,” that usually isn’t the case. The next time you’re facing a difficult negotiator, employ the strategies I have laid out in this series of newsletters. If you still need help, consult with me as a negotiation coach who can bring a fresh perspective to the situation.

In “Negotiating with difficult people, Part VIII,” I will present additional tactics for negotiating successfully with difficult people.

For developing an ability to negotiate skillfully, check out “The World Is a Bazaar – Life Is a Negotiation.”

Satish

Author, Speaker, Coach
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