Listening

My friend, Chris, called to complain about how a homeowner, who has listed her house with him, will not cooperate in staging the home best. He had tried to persuade her with all the logic he could muster.

Many negotiators dive into persuasion mode. Skilled negotiators focus on uncovering the real issues. How? With active listening, verbal, and visual. It requires deliberate effort. Summarize your understanding of what she is saying by repeating it to her in her own words. If you want her to understand your view, recognize her’s first.

To unearth the hidden issues, ask questions—the iceberg questions.

What sank the Titanic? An Iceberg. Why? The crew saw only the tip of the iceberg visible above the ocean surface. The more significant part of the ice was underneath the water, hidden.

Carefully look for signals, verbal and visual. People give signals, intentionally or frequently, inadvertently. Her language may change from absolute statements to conditional statements.

“At this time, your offer is not acceptable.” (Signal: it may be acceptable at a different time.). Validate the signal by asking, “Are you saying that you may accept this offer at a later date?”

Without committing yourself, you are flushing out the hidden issue. The homeowner may turn out to have inherent uncertainty about selling. Realizing that, you might structure the agreement to include a first right of refusal to buy whenever she is ready to sell.

Not listening is one reason why many people may feel stuck between either giving in or engaging in protracted persuasion. This perceived either-or predicament is mostly false.

The people who are the very best at listening hear it because they are listening.

Listen. Be different.