“Yes, and…” vs. “Yes, but…”
In her book, Improvisation for the Theater, Viola Spolin leads the actors through games and exercises that dynamically connect the players. What one player does and says is immediately sensed and responded to by the other player. And that, in turn, creates a spontaneous response in the first player. The players accept each other’s actions even if they are unexpected or unwanted. It is true relating and responsive listening and then building on what has been said.
How can you incorporate that into your negotiation skills? Replace the response, “Yes, but…” with “Yes, and…”
Responding with “yes, and…” is far better than saying, “yes, but…” because the “and” instantly clarifies where you and your counterpart share common grounds.
Suppose your client has made some changes to the marketing proposal you had submitted. The amendments have:
- Made the execution of the program little complicated but you can do it correctly;
- Lowered the budget but is still within your acceptable price range; or
- Required the application for 6 months rather than your preference for a three-month time frame.
If you are not careful, you might immediately respond with all the reasons why the third item is not feasible.
Before giving such an immediate response, consider where a “yes, and…” approach could take you. You might say, “I appreciate your willingness to accommodate our proposal, which allows us to reciprocate on price. Now let us figure out how to meet your need for a six-month time frame without causing us significant challenges.
The customer may push back, but this approach strengthens your progress and avoids putting the other side into a corner.
Satish Mehta
Author, Speaker, Coach
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