Five mistakes negotiators often make – Mistake 3

“Argue,” I know, sounds negative. It sounds as if you want to avoid it at all costs.  But, here, I define “Argue” as similar to technical or legal argument. It is identical to the way attorneys argue in a courtroom, or a case is used to support a theorem in geometry. In the “Argue” phase, parties “ask and tell” to build their negotiating strategy and proverbial “Win-Win” proposals.

In the “Argue” phase, skillful negotiators review issues, ask good questions, test assumptions, listen, stay alert for signals, exchange information to structure expectations, and persuade. They make an Opening Statement to establish their position and set a tone for the negotiation. The parties strive to arrive at conclusions that become the basis for proposals and, finally, an agreement.

There are two distinct types of arguments: Persuasion and Negotiating Dialog. 

Persuasion is when you influence, sell, convince, argue to win, challenge, and debate.  Trying to prove that you are right and others are wrong. Will I never use these tactics? Actually, in any negotiation, I will first try persuasion. If I can convince the other party, what have I lost? Just a little time. But, if you keep on persuading, you sound like you are talking gibberish to the other party after some time.

Continuing to persuade often leads to a circular argument, also called a persuasion spiral. The old “attack defends” spiral, interrupting and not listening, scoring cheap points, being sarcastic, arguing just to argue. How do you know that you are in the Persuasion spiral? When you hear yourself repeating, “as I said earlier,” “allow me to repeat,” more than once, you are in a circular argument. You hope that maybe the second time around, they will say,” Yeah, you are right, and we are wrong!” But, if not, recognize that the discussion is just moving in a circle and break out of it. Move on to negotiating dialog.

Negotiating dialog involves asking good questions about needs, objectives, risks, opportunities, constraints, motives, and priorities and carefully listening to the answers. When the other side asks questions, it is not sufficient to just hear the question. Try to understand why that question was asked in the first place. What? How? Why? In a nutshell, Negotiating Dialog shares information about what each party wants, why it wants it, and structuring expectations.

Skilled negotiators ask direct questions. For example, Why is that important?  Why is that clause relevant to the contract? If I understand the why, I may be able to address your requirement in a way that does not offend our company policy.

In a typical negotiation, a vast amount of time is spent persuading.  Skilled negotiators have a different balance. They spend more time in a Negotiating Dialog.