Accept the responsibility. Don’t blame the cat.
I had a get-together of friends at my house. My cat was in the mix too. We spent much time in the kitchen, cooking, eating, and cleaning.
I was washing dishes when my cat screamed in pain behind me. I turned to see a young lady curse the cat as it dashed out of the kitchen. She had just stepped on the cat’s front paw. “Watch out!” the young lady shouted at the cat, adding, “You are always in the way.”
Really? Young lady, you stepped on my cat, and then you blame the cat? Who does that?
A lot of us do.
We start blaming others to preserve our self-esteem and self-image. I ā and many others ā see people in organizations point fingers. Often at a departmentalĀ level, a sales group blames a slow-moving product development group. In contrast, the product development organization blames the sales team for making ineffectualĀ proposals to potential customers.
As a managing director of a venture capital group, in 2015, I attended a meeting of the C-level managers of a late-stage IoTĀ start-up. They needed help with setting goals for the year. The CEO, to whom they all reported, could not attend.
I asked, “What are we waiting for?
“We need direction from senior leadership,” they answered in unison.
“Seriously?” I was surprised. “Look around,” I said, “Everyone in the company is looking for direction from you! You are the senior leadership.”
“Well, the CEO isn’t here,” the C-level of something answered, with the others nodding.
I asked, “Are you blaming the CEO? Are you waiting for her to tell you what to do? Really? You are C-levels?”
After an awkward silence, we got to work growing the company.
Blaming others is a poor strategy. Everyone can see through it. Often it isn’t very ethical and destroys relationships. Most importantly, blaming others preventsĀ learning. You have no reason to do anything differently if something isn’t your fault. This means, in all probability, you’ll make the same mistake in the future. That will lead to more blame. It’s a cycle that almost always ends badly.
There’s a simple solution:Ā Take the blame for anything you’re even remotely responsible for.
This solution solidifies relationships, improves credibility, makes you and others happy, reinforces transparency, improves self-esteem, increases learning, and solves problems.
Taking the blame is also a power move. Once you take responsibility for something, you can do something about it, giving you power.
It takes courage to own your blame, which again shows strength. It immediately silences anyone who might try to blame you ā what’s the point if you’ve already taken responsibility? The “blame you” conversation is over. Now you can focus on solving problems.
Taking responsibility makes you trustworthy. You might think it puts you at risk because others may see an opening and jump on you. But that’s different fromĀ what usually happens.
I was running a strategy meeting at a telecom company with a CEO and her direct reports. We were looking at some alarming numbers from the previous quarter. One by one, each department leader was trying to argue that they were not, ultimately, responsible for the issues, pointing to the other areas that contributed. Then, the CTO spoke up. He proceeded to list mistakes he felt he had made by underestimating the capabilities of competitive routers. He then outlined what he plans to do differently next quarter onwards.
His colleagues didn’t pile on. They did the opposite. They began to say things to dilute his blame. One by one, they started taking responsibility for their role in the company’s challenges.
When you take responsibility, others are emboldened to share the blame and take the risk. And even if they don’t, you can now avoid making the mistakes you’ve made in the past, which, ultimately, is the key to your success.
By taking the blame, the CTO changed the course of the meeting and, as it turned out, the company’s trajectory.
In other words, it’s OK to step on a cat. It happens. Just don’t blame the cat.
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