How do you have a conversation that makes you anxious?
During the perceived shortage of qualified people, my client, a business analytics company, hired more people than needed. It ended up hiring people who needed to be more qualified for their jobs. As a result, some mid— to upper-level managers needed to have difficult conversations with the people they managed. A few managers dreaded such conversations and sought my advice.
When you manage people, you must have the skills to have a difficult conversation sooner or later. No matter what the cause, sometimes a conversation has to happen. It is part of the skills that a leader must demonstrate. If you dread a difficult conversation, here are a few recommended steps.
Step 1: Do it, and do it now
When you need to give feedback, think of Nike’s slogan, “Just Do It.“
The best feedback is sooner rather than later. Constant delay will make it significantly more difficult. The longer you put it off, the more daunting the task will seem.
The younger generations, Millennials and Zgen, expect frequent feedback. Most people like to improve themselves, so make your feedback constructive.
Step 2: Explicit agenda and a dialog (not a monologue).
An agenda must show a list of issues, the time allocated to each issue, the total meeting time, and the location of the meeting. The meeting period must be sufficiently long for productive discussion (including time for the other side’s thoughts), but it should be manageable. Sometimes, having such discussions in the office increases the tension. Consider having such a meeting off-premises.
Step 3: Listen
Begin by asking an open-ended question, and then LISTEN. Ask good questions and then listen to understand the other side’s perspective. Let the other side do most of the talking.
Avoid the blame game or putting them on the defensive. For example, “I know what it is like to be frustrated by unreasonable demands of a customer who comprises 40% of the company’s revenue. That is why while dealing with them, I take adjournments to construct a well-thought-out response.”
End your conversation with agreement on some immediate next steps, the support the person will need to succeed, and the follow-up meeting. Have a precise specification of what will constitute success and resolve the matter.
Thank you,
